Will We Be Better?!

Why I chose to do a social detox in the time of Crisis.

As weeks in quarantine take its effect I am finding it hard to stay motivated and proactive. I’m finding it takes a toll on all of my intentions and moving forward is a slow and not always steady process. To prevent myself from drowning in a see of boredom and hopelessness, I’m finding I need to be extremely intentional with my my actions the things I chose to do and not to do.

My first action is social detox. I know I wrote about this in my last post but I want to expand on why. (If for no other reason than to remain consistent with writing). The pull to connect and interact with others when we are in isolation is very strong during its that whole “we don’t know what we’ve got until it’s gone”. Many people are spending their entire day wrapped up in the void, I was among them and then I started observing a trend that is always in the back of my head but easy to ignore when I don’t feel so desperate. That is the trend of how social media tends to promote the judgement of others. Throughout history every single war is brought down to feeling superior to others. This time is no different. The current trend is to tout kindness and tolerance but to really only show it to those who believe and act as we do. Even as we sit in the relative luxury of our homes saying we are doing this for the “greater good”, I am struck by how much division is on social media. From how to teach our kids, to how to grocery shop we have opinions that seem to be growing harsher and more divisive. Some of the behaviors like reporting people still outside to the police are not a lot different than the Blockleiters of World War II and that to me is much more frightening than the quarantine itself. 

In just a few weeks many are forgetting how to be decent to each other, how to give others the benefit of the doubt. I don’t want to think how bad it will be should our “shut-ins” be prolonged or our situations become more uncomfortable. 

A very popular slogan today is LOVE WINS. But I wonder if it really does?!  We either love or we don’t. We accept others where they are, or we stand in judgment. 

I saw a post from someone is a domestic violence situation, when this young mans (did you think it was a woman) father is home he drinks. (How much more alcohol is being consumed right now) It is simply dangerous for this boy to be home. I’ve seen many post with people contemplating suicide because the loneliness is really getting to them. Some employers demand that their employees work. Some would rather risk getting sick than being jobless. Some people have NO savings and no benefits program to help them through this time. Some don’t trust the government or don’t see how a temporary stipend will get them through this long term. Some need to see other people to know there is a light at the end of this tunnel. We have no idea how long this will last and the long term effects it will have.  We who stand in judgment today might be just as desperate tomorrow. 

Last year my son and I read Lord of the Flies. As we were discussing it, we were surprised at how short a time it took for the boys to lose their humanity. Its actually pretty formulaic though, a desperate situation occurs, some people think they know best and should thus be in charge, They tell everybody what to do. People rebel. Hate and havoc ensue. 

That in a very large nutshell is why I am stepping away from social media and specifically Facebook. 

Now, before anyone thinks that I’m out there breaking or condoning breaking the rules, let me assure you. I’m not I am personally a rule follower. I only do my essential shopping, I like so many others canceled my son’s birthday, I but the correct amount of toiletries. And I stay at least 6 feet away from others even if it means waiting to enter an aisle. I have friends who have caught the virus and one who is at this moment fighting for her life in the ICU. But I get how this can be hard, it is for me REALLY REALLY HARD! I don’t like not knowing what is coming next, probably more than most because of my history of extreme trauma. I don’t like having so little under my control. I’m furious that after 15 years of dedicated work our financial future is in question. THESE ARE HARD TIMES. But for me, for now they are doable, for others they are simply not. 

We talk about how when this is all over maybe we will be better for it, better neighbors, better stewards of our earth, more compassionate. But will we be? If we are already sitting in our homes smug that we are more capabable of following the rules than others? Are we doing ANY better. What if our being more capable is just having more privilege? We don’t know the trials others are going through, especially right now. We shouldn’t even try to guess. We should do what we can to try and help and if we are going to speak and say that we are doing this “all out of love” then let’s try to give ALL people the benefit of the doubt and love them. ALL. Where they are at.  

You are NOT ALONE. Please Reach Out!

With Much Love to You during this hard time,

Carob Mars

2 thoughts on “Will We Be Better?!

  1. Thank you for sharing your insight and perspective friend! I listened to the Brene Brown podcast the other day on grief and they said this “Judgement demands punishment. You are going to punish others or yourself when sitting in judgement. When we judge it hurst us or hurts someone else. “ and yes the judgement going on on social media is not helping our current situation. Hugs to you lovely friend!!!! ❤️


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